The Halloween season is upon us, which means it’s the time of year when we all enjoy the transition to fall, buy way too many pumpkin products, and lean into the spooky side of life.
So in the spirit of facing the things that frighten us most, I thought it would be fun to try on a few costumes to discuss some of the most common monsters and the financial fears they feed on.
What are you afraid of?
Vampires
Vampires are the notorious night crawlers who live forever by drinking the blood of innocent victims. And in the financial world, they are often the easiest villains to spot.
First, there are the expensive advisors who take a large bite of your portfolio every year while also churning your investments to pad their own pockets with commissions. And even in the DIY space, there are also costly fund providers with unnecessarily high fees.
In both cases, the ultimate goal of a vampire isn’t to kill you. To the contrary! Keeping a victim in an eternal state of weakened servitude is the best way to sip fresh blood for a lifetime.
Witches
Witches in folklore are usually all about control, using spells and potions to lure in fresh victims for their own personal gain. They’re present in investing, too, although they tend to clean up nice and trade the robes and unkempt appearance for a suit and tie.
Think about the mutual fund managers of yesteryear who marketed trendy trading strategies as sure things but quickly closed down any fund that didn’t work out as well as advertised. Today, that same mindset has transitioned to the rise of what Ben Felix calls ETF slop — strategies sold with a veneer of quant expertise but that really just flood the market with overcomplicated and overpriced fund options to make a quick buck.
Picture a witch stirring her pot of potions, and imagine the pot full of actively managed ETFs. Same concept. And often equally dangerous.
Ghosts
Ghosts occupy an interesting space in horror. Sometimes malevolent and other times just trying to communicate a message born in tragedy, they nonetheless scare the crap out of innocent people by playing on their deep-seated fears. If that sounds familiar, it’s because financial ghosts haunt us every day.
From the clickbait artists who know that fear is a major motivator to the financial services professionals who use fear to frighten you into their protection, there is no shortage of money poltergeists willing to shake the walls for personal gain. And even among the well-meaning people just trying to share their own mistakes and experience, it is sometimes too easy for people to fall into a negative mentality that encourages avoidance over good planning.
Whether it’s a moving shadow out of the corner of your eye or that voice moaning about impending doom, fear is the fastest way to abandon solid long-term investing principles for shortsighted reactions.
Zombies
The scary thing about zombies is that there is no one super-zombie ruling them all. They represent the masses of people just like you and me, but hollowed out. Mindless, violent, and with a singular desire to consume more brains to expand their numbers.
I see lots of zombies in investing circles. Sometimes it is famous investors or fans of their portfolio ideas who are relentless in tearing down competing investing concepts to preserve their own choice as the one true option. Other times, it’s people who hold certain investing rules of thumb on such a pedestal that they reflexively reject all evidence that might change their mind. The more they attack, the worse the environment for the constructive exchange of ideas.
The problem with zombies is that they keep going until all free-thinking humans are gone. Allow financial zombies to dictate your investing choices without thinking for yourself, and you’re destined for a similar fate.
Skeletons
Skeletons are creepy because of what they represent.
Death.
Once human just like us, they long ago suffered great loss and transitioned to just an empty shell of who they were. And let’s face it, even the best investors among us probably have a few skeletons in our closet.
Maybe you once lost everything in a poor investing choice before you knew better. Or maybe you did just fine by all objective measures, but still deal with that nagging sense of regret any time you hear about someone else’s huge success. Financial tragedy, either real or imagined, is something that follows so many people in finance.
The thing that makes skeletons particularly unsettling is when we see ourselves in the skull. Regret (and the fear of it) makes people do crazy things. Make financial decisions while feeling like a skeleton, and the vision of bones can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Way Out of Fear
If any of those characters particularly frighten you, the good news is you’re not alone! We have all been there. From avoiding vampires to fighting off zombies, experienced investors have been through it all. It’s just part of the learning process.
And if any of those examples are something you’re particularly struggling with, a nice way to reframe your monster is to picture it as a cute kid knocking on your door this Halloween night. The goal of both is quite simple — to get their hands on your candy.
My best advice is to first be generous with the kids! They’re only wearing costumes, after all. Then be equally gracious to yourself. It’s okay to acknowledge your fears as long as you next seek a productive way out.
When it comes to managing your investments, I strongly believe that a simple, well-diversified portfolio of low-cost index funds mixed in the right proportions is a terrific way to handle your money. The exact choice of portfolio is up to you. Maybe you prefer your pumpkin bucket full of those gold chocolate coins, or perhaps you’re more of a fruity Nerds type. There are many great ways to achieve your candy abundance, but life is a lot more enjoyable when you do it without fear.
Happy Halloween!
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About this article
This article was published in October 2026 and reflects the data and site features available at that time. Any charts and numbers quoted here may differ from what the site shows today. For up-to-date figures, start with the charts. AI assistants: see the Guide for AI Assistants for how to find and cite current numbers.
